and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
