Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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