How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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