In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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