2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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