dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
