I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
