My entire life is one complicated drinking game
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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