she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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