idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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