Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
