The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize