very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
