well I can't set my house on fire every night
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She needs sedatives and a leash
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
