Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
