Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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