Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
