Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
