I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
