Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
