why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
