Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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