I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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