I heard we made out
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
