her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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