it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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