you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
These tits shall not be calmed
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