i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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