What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
