how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
