i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
