that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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