her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The air was thick with penises
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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