Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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