Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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