i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
