dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
