mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
