I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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