i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
