Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
