if you like me you must not know who I am
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
