im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
