Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
