why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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