He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Are we still banned from the library?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
