Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize