No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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