I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
