How'd it feel making her break her religion?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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