well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
