He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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