I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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