guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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