I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
