my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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