Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's blow job season.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
