Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
