we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
