Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
