I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
