so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
