I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
