I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize