I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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