All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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